Emmet? OH NO!
by RaNdOmNeShUrTsMyHeAd
Summary: Every one whent hunting for a few hours. Everyone exept Bella and Emmet! What happens when Emmet want's to prank Edward? What happens when the pranking gets out of hand? R&R please.
1. Only the begging!

_A/N: Hey! So this is my new story! Please R&R I want constructive criticism please! : D _

_Disclaimer: I do not own the twilight saga! _

_(BELLA'S POV)_

_I was sitting on the Cullen's couch reading Romeo and Juliet. Edward had gone hunting with the rest of the Cullen's except Emmet! Suddenly Emmet came running down the stairs at Vampire speed. He threw my book out of my hands and started jumping! It was a good imitation of Alice I had to emit that! I was just about to yell at Emmet when he stopped bouncing and picked me up by my arm._

"_I have an Idea! Let's go...........mess with Edward's room, piano, ECT. Watcha say about that??" _

"_Uhh, what about no! I am not messing with_ **my**___Edward! Just go away and leave me in peace, Emmet! Thank you!" I told him. He just sat there beside me with a (I can't believe I'm goanna say this!) kind of cute pout (kind of.)He sat there and just pouted. I was not going to fall for that one! No I was not! But somehow I ended up saying" Ok, what do you want to do to Edward, Emmet?" And immediately after I said that his pout turned into a wicked/goofy grin! And then I knew! I knew I was in trouble! He jumped up, threw me onto his shoulder and ran to his enormous jeep. He threw me into the passenger seat gently (well gently for him.)_

"_Where are we going Emmet?" I ask completely clueless._

"_Well........... We have to go get some supplies! Jeez Bella keep up! Okay so we are going to need to go to La Senza! Then we have to go to girls clothing!"He rambled while driving to the mall. I just sat there looking at him like he was insane!_

"_Emmet why are we going to la senza? And why in the world do we need to go get 'girls clothing?' _

"_Silly Bella! No we are going to need to make Edward crazy and ask yourself this: how does that tie in with La Senza? Huh huh, can you figure it out brainiest?"_

"_Umm..... Emmet isn't it Brainiac? And let me get this straight! You want me to dress up in lingerie to make Edward try and lose control, and then you want me to wear skankey clothing to get him to lose more control?"_

"_YES! Ok so are you in? Because if you are then we are at........... THE MALL!!!!!!!!!!!" sadly he yelled the last part!_

"_Yes Emmet I'll do it but DON'T yell!" I hissed. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me from his huge jeep he then put me on the ground. He started walking and I __**tried**__ to keep up._

"_Ok Emmet where to first? Girls clothes or lingerie?" I ask_

"_Umm girl clothing I thi-"But he was interrupted. There stood Alice!_

"_You are not going to not let me help with this!" She hissed._

"_Calm down Alice! You can help!" Emmet told her, but you could hear the fear leaking in his voice. _

"_Good! So now we are off to get clothing first! Ok?" _

"_Mhhmm, yes ok Alice." I told her. Ok great what is that evil smirk on her face?_

_"Ali-." But guess what. Yes I was dragged into a clothing store. Somehow Emmet managed to disappear... Alice was throwing short shorts low tang tops etc. at me. She pushed me into the changing room before I could say a complaint. She practically put me through a fashion show until we found the right outfit. I ended up getting a sort of low tang top. It was gray. It had trimming over the top and it was a spaghetti strap. The shorts weren't bad ether. They were blue and green and had "Lola was here" written on the butt. (A/N Every outfit she buys is on my profile!) Then we went into the lingerie section. And guess what? Remember when he disappeared? Well guess where he disappeared to? Yupp there were we (Alice, and I) looking at Emmet. Mhhmm yeah well you can guess what he was doing in the lingerie section. Yes there was Emmet in front of us holding a thong all twisted around his fingers with a dumbstruck/curious look on his face. He walked up to us still holding the thong between his fingers. _

"_Hey guy's this thing looks familiar where have I seen it before? What do you use it for?" He asked confused. Alice grabbed the thong from his fingers before he ruined it and put it back in the right place._

"_Yes Emmet, you have seen it before! You've seen it on Rosalie! (Emmet's confusion changed into a smile right after she said that) And I'm guessing you can sort of guess what we use it as!" She hissed at Emmet. Right after that she kicked us out and told us to go home. She said she would finish and she would give me the rest of the stuff tomorrow. I drove home with Emmet. He was singing. This should be a crime. Do you even want to know what he was singing? Well..... Barbie Girl. And I am going to say this slowly. He...Was...Singing...Barbie.....Girl......At....The...Top....Of.....His...Lunges! Do you feel sorry for me now or should I tell you what the worst part was? He had retrieved a blond wig from the back of his jeep. Yes he was wearing it. And to top it all off he was dancing to the song while driving! _

_************************************************** _

_We got home. Alice was already there with shopping bags. She threw them to me._

"_You have 5 minutes he will be here soon hurry Bella!" She chirped _

_As I was getting dressed the bedroom door opened and in came............ _

_A/N: So how do you guys like it? Can you give me ideas for other funny topics? I want to know which part was your favourite! So please R&R! By the way all the photos on my profile are of what Alice had bought. Can you guess who is going to come in? Please R&R :D Thx_


	2. who? & and Plotting!

A/N: Thanks for the Reviews! But please let's try for ten more? I think that would get us a longer chapter! And i need funny ideas for the next prank!  
So please if you have any give a Review and tell me please! And i need more constructive criticism! And if there is spelling mistakes sorry about that I'm not a great speller  
and I'm working on a different computer so it doesn't have the spell check thingy! R&R

........ The door opened and in came..... Carlisle and Seth? Why would they be in the cottage? I mean Edward, Nessie and I live here! Maybe they need som-that's when it hit me! I'm not in the cottage! I'm in n  
Carlisle's room!

"Oh hello Bella. BELLA?"Yup he saw what I was wearing. And since I was too busy getting dressed I hadn't noticed what I was wearing. I looked at the tag and read "Ruffled cups babydoll" Wow! I look back up to  
see Edward standing next to Seth and Carlisle. He's just look at me. This is awkward. You'll never believe what happened next! Emmet explodes in the room.

"Your smoken Bella! Whoooaaaa! I would so go for yo-." But he never finished because Edward had lunged at Emmet. Now they were restaling on the floor.

"Emmet you will never think those things about Bella again! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Emmet stop thinking it!" Edward yelled into Emmet's ear. I ran out of the room dying of embarrassment. I ran at Vampire speed  
back home to the cottage. I ran to my cottage. I didn't stop running until I was in the cottage. OH MY GOSH.

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ALICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
EEEE!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
I can't believe Alice would do THIS! My whole ( and when I say whole I mean whole) closet had nothing but lingerie! Wait there was a note. I walk over and get the note. I open it and- "ARGGGGGG  
GGGGG" I was covered in Whipped cream. Yes you heard right WHIPPED CREAM!  
On the card was "To you from your BFF's Emmet & Alice! (Mostly Emmet though!) I was seeing red! I was going to murder them! They would PAY! This meant WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed one of Edwards  
s  
shirt and ran out of the house. Mwhahahahahahahahhahahahaha! They will feel my rath!

(After Alice & Emmet have felt Bella's Rath!)

(Alice POV)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Babies come back to me. You are not shredded! You can be saved! I know you can! Just wait for mama! I will get REVENGE!" It was BELLA! I know it was her!  
how could she ? She didn't understand the need i have for my beloved credit cards! She would get it! Ohh I know what to do!!!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaha! I'm off to get Neisse! MWAHahahahahahhaha  
DON'T MESS WITH ....................MARY ALICE BRANDON CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Mean while)

(Emmet POV)

I did not have a good feeling! I had just heard Alice crying over her credit cards and i was sure that it was Bella who shredded them! Oh I know! I'm next OMG what am I going to do? What am I going to do???????

(Bella's POV) (While Alice is crying over her credit cards, and Emmet is having a panic attack Bella is..................... going psycho!)

. YES!!!!!! My plan was working!!!!! MWAhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahhahahahaahahhaha. You might be wondering what the master plan is  
Well you see. I cut up Alice's credit cards and instead of doing something to Emmet i made him think I was going to do something! That way he will go................. LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!  
(I repeat: MWAhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!)

**********************************************************************************************************************************

(Edward POV)

I could not believe BELLA would do this!!! I mean come on our daughter is always around the house!!!!! ARGGG!!! What was Bella playing at?

(While everyone is busy plotting....)

(Carlisle POV)

I don't believe it! I just saw my daughter in law wearing clothes that are......meant for only Edward to see on her! Excuse me while I bleach me mind!

****************************************************************************

(Seth POV)

WOW. Bella is smoken hot!!!! I never thought I would see THAT!!! Opps better get that out of my head before Edward sees!

A/N: please keep reading!!!!!! I can tell you one thing! Emmet will have the WHOLE family turned against him by the next chapter! Ohh and I need more ideas!!!!!!! So if you want to read more please give me ideas! D And please tell me which part was your favourite: D so please R&R! Thx


	3. cars& uh oh! PLZ R&R

A/N: PLEASEEEEEEEE R&R!!!! AT Least more comments please? Or I might just stop writing JK! ;P And I hope you guys like this chapter!!!!!!

(Emmet POV)

I finally got it! If I prank everyone we will be even! It's brilliant! Okay what to do? What to do?

"Ding!" I got an Idea!!!! I'm going to.................... Mess with the whole family's cars!!! They will love me! And I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of OZ! (AKA: Rosalie's tool shed!) Yes I know where he lives!

(Narrator: While Emmet was busy thinking of the stupidest Idea's Rosalie was......)

I can't believe I married such a.....such a.....what's the right word? A monkey! (A/N: no offence to monkeys or anybody who likes monkeys) He was such a goofball! He was my monkey! Awww he was so adorable whe- WTF (A/N: Excuse my language!) I bend down to pick up a ............ retch? What is my retch doing here? Hold up a second! Why did it fall out of the sky? Wait why isn't it in the tool box? I look up and I see Emmet throwing tool's down from the upper level of the garage where my tools are. OHHHHH He is going to get it now!!!!

(Narrator: Emmet was once again doing the dumbness thing he could ever do! He was...........)  
UHHHHH..... Where was that thingy mingy? Rosalie used last week on my car! Ahhah! Yes found i-  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ROSALIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" WTF was that??? (A/N: again Excuse my language!) Why is Rosalie twisting MY ear?? OMG that hurtsss!

"You retard! Why in hell are you going through my tools?" She hissed in my ear.  
`No reason Rosie! I swear! NO Reason!!!!! Now please let go of my ear!!" I pleaded.  
"Really so this isn't just some stupid attempt to prank everyone?" She growled threatangly.  
"No now let me go!" I said. You could hear authority ringing in my voice. She let me go and went to go get ready for hunting. Everyone was going hunting except him. When they went hunting he would do it. Then Edward flew into the room and at his side was Alice.  
"Emmet what are you planning?"She asked curiously.  
"Why are you blocking your mind? And why in heaven's sake are you blocking your mind by singing Barbie girl?" He asked annoyed.  
"Wait does this mean Emmet is giving up his manhood? MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Wait till everyone hears! HahAhahahahahah!" And with that she flew away. That dang pixie was going to tell everyone that rumour! ARGGGGGGGGG. I'm Goanna... I'm goanna..........  
"Going to do what Emmet?" Edward said sharply.  
"Nothing! And by the way It's none of your bees wax!" I sneered at him  
"OHHHWAAAAA Emmet just bee's Wax he has officially converted! MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wait till everyone hears!!!!!! "She said diabolically. No one this chick was sent to asylum! They were right she is CRAZY!  
"Emmet I'm Warning you if you do something bad... YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!!!" He warned. Then they were gone. I knew where the mutt (AKA Jacob Black) (A/N: No offense to team Jacob people!) He was at the mall.

(Narrator: You may have not know this but Emmet Cullen PAID me to do this! Yes PAID not threatened, blackmailed (well sort of but don't tell him I said tha- "Narrator!!!! What did I pay you for? Huh? Huh? Just shut it and do your job!" Emmet yelled! Wow that boy has a pair of lungs and ears might I add!) Back to business. So off Emmet was to go get "The Mutt" Not my words! Emmet had to make a clever plan. (So basically his plan was to sneak up on him duck tape him and fake Nessie's voice!) After he came back he cleverly pepper sprayed Jacob's eyes so he would not witness anything he was about to do. By the time he got back to the garage he had only half of his time left. He was done with Alice's car ( he did alott of damage  
to her car because of that rumour that she had spread) and then he had moved onto Edward's volvo,then Carlisle's mercadies,and finally Rosalie's BMW. He was done! Now all there was two things left to do!  
He decided to do his second prank first. He had previously photo shoped Nessie and Jacob in a very DIRTY photo! Yes the mutt would be killed for this!  
( By the way this is the script Emmet paid me to read so I am not the one to bla- " What did I say? Tell me that?" Emmet interrupted.) He carefully planted the picture into Jacob's pocket. ( He  
had poor Jacob knocked out cold!) Then he layed Jacob on to the ground by the tools and car parts. Faze three! Time for operation PINK! He had recently gone to girls clothing shops and had them  
designed SPECIAL clothing for Edward, Jasper, And Carlisle. He set the pink/baddazaleified clothing into their closets and he changed their shampoo into a mixture of brown, green, and red. It was not pretty!  
It looked like baby poo! He was done with the mission! 'YES Everything will be normal once again!' He thought! But once again he was .................................... WRONGE!!!!!!!!

****************************************88  
What was that? NOOOOOO The rest of the family were home!!!!!!!!!! nooooooo. "EMMET!" Alice Screeched!  
'I'm in for it now!' he thought! DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

A/N: So what will happen? Will Emmet be ok? How will they react? What will Rosalie do? How will his preacuis jeep ruin his ego? Stay tuned to find out! Oh and umm comment and try to answer the questions! And comment or I might stop writing this story:(;P BEWARE! Ohh and sorry if there's spelling mistakes!:D tell me what ur fav part was please! Thx

-melo3


	4. the hole,amusement park,&Coffie shop

A/N: You guys didn't review on the last chapter:(! Anyway make sure you Review on this chapter because if you don't I will not be writing anymore :( Please R&R It keeps me going:) So do it for me? !!!!! :P

Disclaimer: ME: I DON'T own the twilight series or the characters:(

EMMET: AWWW Mel its ok I'll always be yours!!!!

ME: EWWWWWWW I DON'T WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Emmet: Awww Mel!!!!!!! I meant as a friend!!!!!

ME: Oh ok then! :)

EMMET POV

"EMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could you? All of our CARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! You're such a retard I mean it! Go die in a whole Emmet!!!" Alice and Edward screeched at the same time. Which is amazing!

"You think I'm a-a-a-a-a re—ret-r-e-retard!!!!!!!!" I sobbed. I always known I'm not the smartest key on the keyboard! WAIT! Is that the saying? Oh well. "You think I should die in a whole? NOOOO Don't makes me please! LIKE OMFG

"Yes Emmet, yes you will spend ten days and nights in a whole we will make sure of it!" Jasper said with sarcasim.

"Really? Oh nooo what will I do all day?" I wailed.

"Well ok if you want to............................." Jasper said.

********************************************************************************************************

(A day before the ten days are over.......) Emmet PoV

I was cold. I was cold and heartbroken! I was missing my Rosalie! She must have been missing me because I felt like my veins and throat was burning to smell her to feel her. Oh wait! Hahahahahahha I forgot the reason my throat was burning was because I was thirsty! Hahahhahaaahhahhaahah I forgot! Oh well I guess I could wait One more days to go hunting! I then proceeded to think sexy thought of Rosalie.....................................................................awwwwwwwwww that one was cute...................................

**********************************************************************************************************888

(The afternoon Emmet gets back home..........)

"Honey I'm home!!!!!!!!!" I yelled I ran to rose and mines room and picked her up and spun her around the room like they do in the old movies. Then while spinning her I accidentally broke Edwards favourite CD! OPPS!

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW PUTT ME DOWN! YOU ARE FILTH! YOU DON'T DESERVE ME!!!!!!!!!" She shrieked.

What do you mean Rosalie? You love me we were meant to be! Did you find someone else? "I Cried.

"Yes you BIG BABY! He is way more manly than you..............and guess what his name is...............Wait your too dumb to guess so I'll tell you..........his name is..........................Jacob........................Black! Yes a big strong werewolf to protect me!!!!!!!!!(A/N: hahahahhahaahah)

"WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????????????????????" I yelled.

(A/N: Ok so I really don't want to write the rest on this part so...........yeah)

EMMET POV

I couldn't believe it! They were JOKING? LIKE OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA But still  
I did get my revenge when I threw the mutt in the toilet! Haahahahahahahhaha Good times good times! 

(The next day at the amusement park. )

Random guy ( gis name is Bill) POV

_Like OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG PUDDDDING AND Barf ON ME because THIS GUY HAD TOO MUCH TO EAT!!!!!! Great just great! _

_Emmet's POV _

_Hahahaahahhaha did you see that? Wow that was funny! ' Way to go Emmet' I thought to myself! Hahahahaah retard sat next to me on the fires wheel Well now I'm going to go make more plans! Mwahahahahah! What to do What to do? MHHMM......................... _

_EDWARDS POV _

Uggghhh! Daren Emmet! Darn him for Dragging us all here! Why did he have to come here! Then to top it all off he HAD to eat popcorn! Then he barfed on the guy sitting next to him on the ride!

I have to itmit it was pretty funny! You should have seen his face! PRICELESS!

ALICE'S POV

My eyes galzver and I saw what Emmet had planned to do! Wow he was an evil genius! I think I''' go help him

Emmets POV

So I had gotten an Idea and Alice had approved to them! I decided to go into stare bucks and see where that left us...dunn dunn dunn dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! I started to drag them all back into the jeep.

"where are we going Emmet?" Edward complained. Geez he complained a lot! "I heard that Emmet!" "So...?"

"What everEmmet!" He snarled at me! He snareld at me!!! OMFG i feel like im gonna cry! What is up with these hormons? Wait! Was I....................................................... Pregnet? Could I be? My hand wandered over my stomach! It does feel like something was growing there!

"EMMMETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT that is just WRONG!!!!!!!" Edward Yelled. Oh god! Im gonna cry!

"EMMET Stop it!!!!!! I'm serious!" Edward rored while laughing! UHHH Welkl he could laugh if he wanted to but I think I might be pregnet!

BELLA'S POV

We walked into stare bucks and I just had a BAD feeling. Now I knew why I had that feeling!

"WAITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmet Boomed! Oh no! I am so embarrassed! I ducked my head into Edwards chest in an act of embarrassment.

" What is your speacil today?" Emmet asked the person that was taking our orders! ( I still didn't get it! We are Vampires and we are at Stare bucks! )

"Umm sir we don't have speacils!" She sturrtered.

" Oh well then I will have the hot - double tall nonfat cappacino 4 splendas xtra hot oh and also cold- skinny mocha frappacino Thanks! !! " Emmet said dismissively The waitress walked away looking nervously frightened..

"Emmet why the hell did you order those drinks we don't eat! " I hissed at Emmet.

"Oh I know just watch and see what happens!" The waitress came back with our drinks and then quickly walked away. Emmet just stared at the drinks for a moment then got up with one of the dirks in his hand and dumped it on a random person.

" OPSSSSS! I'm sorry I didn't see you there!" He said slowly. The man looked ticked off and he strode to the bathroom. This time Alice got up with another drink sipped it and spit it on the ground and ran to the cashier and said" This is FILTH! What do you call this! I will be sowing you for this and I will not be paying! And while I'm at it I think I'll just....... ( She then prosseded to pour the drink on the chashier.) I couln't belevie what I was seeing! But suddenly I had an Idea! I m picked up the last drink and walked two times around the store trying to decide what to do with it. Every eyes followed my movments to see what was about to happen. I stopped in front of a young guy with a Mohawk. He looked up warily and said "Please don't spill that drink on me." I walked to the girl sitting oppeset of him. It looked like they were on a date.

"Would you rath I spilled it on her?" "NO! Please don't!!! I beg you!" "Ok." I simply said. I turned around and started to walk around our table. I stopped infront of Edward and said "Give me a reason not to." I swear you could hear a pin drop! Everything was quite then Edward had smashed his lips to mine, slipped the mug out of my hand and poured it on myself. He sepperated our lips and chuckled to himself. I could hear all of the restaurant laughing. I could even hear the person in the bathroom giggling. EW! I wonder how they saw that! I turned to Edward and growled. I slipped into a fighting crouch. "You shouldn't have done that Eddie boy!" I jumped and he ran. I stood back up and rubbed my hands together.

"He will PAY! PAY I tell you! MWAhahahah" I screamed evilly.

That was the last time we saw Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

N/A: So how did you like it?? R&R !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not my best work. I sort of procrastinated. That is why it took so long to put up. Any way ...R&R!!!!!!!


	5. CHINA part 1 this is chap 5

A/N: Ok well you did review last time......I'm just going to say it.....I............... Want.................MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! So please make my year and review. If you read the story press the green button at the bottom of the page!!!!!!! MAKE MY YEAR!!!!!!

Bella's POV

"Well... I guess we have to go find Edward now. Don't we? " Alice sighed.

"'Find Edward'? What do you mean find Edward? I know where he is!!! He's in CHINA!! What kind of physic are you? Pewee you don't even know where your brother is! Family members should know where other family members are! See this is WHY we NEED Demitrie too bad the Aro has them....." Emmet bellowed in disbelief.

"Hold up...... How does EMMET know this? Emmet doesn't know ANYTHING!! I should have known this...But come on EMM- You're a genius EMMET!!!!!!!" Alice suddenly burst out.

"Thank you for embracing it!! I always known I was a genius! Anyway what am I genius for this time?" Emmet asked.

"CAN WE GO GET MY HUSBAND YET?????" I screeched in frustration. My husband was in CHINA! All I know is that I am in BIG trouble!

"Well you chased him away..." Jasper mumbled under his breath. I just glared at him. He started to shrink back and I felt satisfaction.

"Oh now you feel satisfaction!!" Jasper whispered.

"Yes we will go get Edward......Eventually." Emmet mumbled the last part.

"Eventually?" I questioned

"Eventually!" Emmet whispered again evilly.

I gulped. Something VERY bad was about to happen!

____________________________________________________________________________

A/N: I'm SOOO sorry this was such a short chapter! My family from London had come for a wedding (which we all had to go to) and we took them around B.C So I didn't really have any time to write and they just left today.....Then I still haven't gotten to practise my two piano pieces (I don't even know them) and I have class tomorrow....then next week I have to practise more piano..So you see I don't really have time! . So I just started and I'm hoping that I will be able to make an extra long chapter. Also if you have any ideas of how the story should steer from here please Pm me or review. R&R anyway...Tell me what you think will happen... I would really appreciate it! Thx

~3-Cullen101-3


	6. china,jokes,&jail

A/N: Hey!!!! Okay...SOOO I was just wondering...why don't people review????? Do you guy's not like me??  That make Melo sad! (Mel's my name by the way...Explains on my profile....) please review...I know people read the story....but no one reviews.... I mean come on what's up with that?? Make sure you review Uhh and if people get mad at this chapter...I mean NOOOO offense to Asian people...It is horrible to the stuff people say about them! But if u are from china or Japan...etc. please do not find this offensive! !!!!.....So as you can see (read technically...) I mean nooo offense to anyone and if anyone gets offensive!

Disclaimer: I don't own the twilight series. Period.

Emmet:Wha-

Me: Don't argue.

(Bella POV)

Here I was. Standing next to a retard....

"I am not a retard..!" Emmet said in a nagging voice.

"What? How did you know what I was thinking?" I asked dumbfounded.

"You said it out loud." Jasper informed me. Crap. That happened just earlier!

"Ummmm..... You said it aloud again......."Rosalie told me.

"Who's the idiot now?" Emmet mumbled.

"Still you Emmet!!" I screeched. Sighing Emmet started walking.

*************************************************************************

Here we were. We have been walking for about.....I don't remember..........

"Chinese people use banquet for certain purposes, which is very common in  
China. A new director loves the young beautiful lady secretary so much, but he has a wife! He has a plan…he pretends to host his staffs with best dishes.

When they were enjoying their cuisine, it was black out. And suddenly his wife cried: "Who were trying to touch my hip?"

"No" All the others answered except the director.

After returning home the director's wife said "I am very smart. I took the ring off as evidence when someone was touching my hip."

"But it is my ring."

The next day, when the director went to the office, he reprimanded his staffs seriously ". Why did you guys change seat with my wife?"

The young beautiful lady was supposed to be next to the director…

Now the director has another plan to touch her hip…" Emmett smiled proudly at us. When he finally looked at us he frowned and said "What?" We all had our hands over our ears....................... (A/N: U problem don't get that...neither do I...........)

******************************

"A stereotypical black guy steps out of the shower in a college locker room. An Asian guy checks out his penis and says, "How come yours is so huge? I would love to have one like that."

The black guy laughs and says, "You can. Tie a heavy weight to it for a couple of weeks. It'll stretch and get big and look just likes mine."

Two weeks later they meet again. The black guy asks, "Has it grown any?"

The poor Asian guy responds, "It hasn't grown at all yet – but it has gone black!"Emmet was booming at laughter at this point. Here we were. Sitting in the forest with a panda in front us... (Of course it was dead...) We all had our share...... we looked at Emmet...then Rosalie got up walked a little farther away and puked blood out.

"ROSALIE!!!! YOU ARE WASTING!!!! LET ME COME AND CLEAN UP AFTER YOU." And then Emmet ran off after Rosalie. Alice started rocking and saying..."Scared.... Scared.... Scared.... Scared...."

****************************

"Bus Stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma comes first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey comes together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I'm just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."Emmet was rolling on the ground by now.....I got to emit that one was sort of funny.......but I'd had enough!

"EDWARD!!!!! COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW OR NO SEX IN A MONTH!!!!!!!"

"You wouldn't!" you could just barely hear his voice. I smirked knowing he was afraid. "Oh yes I would..." I whispered. Then I felt strong arms circle about my waist and beautiful lips crush to mine. "Bella I love you please don't do that to me!" he begged. "I won't...it was an empty threat...." I told him with a grin. He started to growl and I knew I just had to take him right there and now. Suddenly Alice groaned and said "come on you guys don't want to see this...I know I really don't!" And with that the rest of them left and I attacked Edward.

*******************************

A few hours later we broke apart. We looked ourselves up and down and realized we looked a mess. We were caked in mud. We both had sex hair.....And I think Edward was wearing my under wear.....

*******

After we looked appropriate we met Emmet and the others just outside of the forest.

He kept telling joke after joke. Some of them were actually pretty funny...others....were disturbing like the one that went...." Who owns enough of America's debt to destroy the U.S. economy?

China.

Oh, that's no joke." That was the disturbing part……..

Emmet stopped walking and we stopped and stared at him.

"Hey guy's….ever wondered what it's like to climb the Great Wall of China." He asked which we replied to as "No why would we?" "Because I have….and I'm going to get the answer right now & you all are coming to……….." He answered. And that was when we finally saw what Emmet had been staring at.

***************************** WE had been climbing the wall for at least 13 hours and guess what………….. We weren't even half way done! And this was coming from us! VAMPIRES!

"Vat Are you doing??" OH shit!

"裁员的人......我们只是havingn乐趣！上帝，你这些天中国生命危险的个案!" (A/N: Translation... Layoffs of people we just having fun! God, you are in China these days, life-threatening cases" I know I don't get it either......that's Emmet 4 u though...)

Emmet said. I never knew Emmet could speak Chinese!

"EMMETT!" Edward groaned. Apparently he had said something bad......

"Ok let me try again.........."Emmet replied. "你的小家伙！和u吮吸自己的阴茎，以满足你自己！ (A/N: Translation..." Your little guy! And u sucks his own penis in order to meet your own" I know again I don't get it either...but sort of funny in a demented way....: P)

And then.......we ran..... ***************************

"We Are in jail...we are in jail.... We Are in jail...we are in jail....

We Are in jail...we are in jail....

We Are in jail...we are in jail....

We Are in jail...we are in jail...."

"EMMET SHUT UP!" WE all screeched at once. Edward had tried to sweet talk the police lady (I have to stop hanging out with Emmet!) But unfortunately...she was lesbian..... Yes I know what you're thinking..........

"SOOO....."Alice started.

"SOOO......"Copied

"You are free."Said an American accent. Just then Carlisle came up to the bars.

"OH shit." Emmet sighed. "You could say that again." I mumbled.

"Ok. Oh shit."

"UGGHHH"!" I punched Emmet it the back of the head and he went down.....Yes punched.

"Good job Bella" Alice congratulated me. "Will you ever learn?"Carlisle sighed. This brings us back to Carlisle.

"Lay it on us." Edward sighed. We've been doing a lot on that haven't we?

"Well now you guys have to...................

A/N: Okay that wasn't my best work.......but it was longer wasn't it? Sorry for the cliffy......I just wanted to end it...I got bored....Anyway Review and tell me what you liked about it and what you didn't and if you have any idea's please tell me =) or any great stories I could read.....:D Hahaha ok well please review and again I didn't mean to offend anyone if u took this chapter offensive!


	7. AN :

a/N:So sorry abt this A/N….but anyways….. Its been a while since I updated and its still gonna take longer…..I have NO excuse….because really…..there is none anyway ummm I don't know if im going to contuineue this story…im giving up probly but I made a new story and theres a sneak peek on my blog which is……….com and sneak peeks for every story im writing will be on it. Ok so I put some of the new story on it and I wanna know what you guys think..so plz read and leave a comment on the blog if u like it or not and ill see if I will continue…..the stories a romance and I have to change a few of the names and everything…..and the part that I put up sorta doesn't show everything abt the story bbut if u guys like wat I posted so far then I will continue posting and I wont take as long as I normally do…….so plz read it and comment and once again it is on my blog! If you don't remember the link it will also be on my profile : ) thx and plz read!

~Mel


	8. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY

A/N:....UGH a/n's..... anyway....I posted a NEW story! Please R&R it!!!!! It would mean the world to me.....and my birthday was yesterday....come on ppl! PLZZZZZZZZZZZzz


	9. is it good?

A/n:

Disclamer for other chapter that i forgot to addd the last chapter's charectors are not mine they are Stephanie Myers.... (sp?)

Anyways...ok so as u noe Halloween is coming and I entered a writing contest to win money and i wanted to know watt u guys thought abt the first bit. So please R&R because i need flames too! I really want to win and beat this horrible person (...she's a bully ) is it nasty just right..or bad...or is it scary so far? Its suppose to be blood curtailing and it's probably not now cuse it just started... R&R (u noe u want to!)

BLOOD MOON

Screaming never helps you. But there I was. Screaming my head off while he broke my leg, my arms, and my fingers. One by one. I couldn't help it! I tried to stop it but he just kept hurting me and tearing at my flesh and then I saw red. I saw red and became red. And then the horror really started.

R&R plzzz I'm counting on u guys!


	10. hallloween treat :scary story!

Halloween treat and I had a lot of help from sailor-ahiru so thank you so much!!!

Screaming never helps you. But there I was, screaming. Screaming as he slowly began to break my leg then my arms and my fingers. One by One. I couldn't stop, he just kept hurting me. Tearing at my flesh until I began to see red. I saw red and was enveloped in it. And that's when the horror really started.

I realised I must have blacked out as the smell of the musty, blood ranched room began to fill my nostrils. Opening my eyes I took a look around, it seems I was finally left alone. I was so stupid. I can't believe I had fallen for it. I had been warned about this house by the ghosts but I still foolishly went in. Why had I not trusted my instincts?

FLASHBACK

˜Come on Isa! Nothing will actually happen to you. It's just a tale." Lisa was trying to coax me into agreeing but I knew more than they ever could. They didn't know the things that have happened it that place. I did. The ghosts of the victims that had been murdered there had come to me, warning me to steer clear. I couldn't exactly tell my friends that though. Hey guys, I'm a necromancer and can talk to ghosts. Yeah that would go down real well. There was a doubt though, I could never tell if the ghosts were mentally ill from trauma and could never entirely trust what they had to say. For all I am aware they could have just conjured up some weird tale. I sighed and gave in. I accepted the dare just to get out of becoming the town joke. I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach though; something was telling me to turn back before it was too late; but I stubbornly held my chin up and walked fiercely into the house known for the murder that had been committed in it 4 years ago. The stench of blood accompanied by dust hit me the moment I walked through the door. I stepped further into the room examining the details waiting for the smell to settle, but it didn't. That was odd; I mean I had left the door open. I heard the sound of a lock clicking into place and turned to see that the door was shut. Panic welling up inside me I ran and started banging on the door. I could hear them laughing on the other side as they began to leave. ˜Have fun loser!" One of them yelled backâ€¦ the voice was so muffled though that I couldn't make out which one of my â€˜supposedâ€™ friends it was. I turn around and give out yelp of surprise as I saw the ghost of Relet hovering in front of me. She has visited me before, always warning me to hide. This time she let out sobs jumbled with words "he's Coming!" she tells me. I knew then the only thing I could do was run and hide.


	11. missing aRM

Sorry for taking so long to update!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!

3'd persons pov

"If i'm a bad person, you don't like me  
I guess i'll make my own way  
It's a circle  
A mean cycle  
I can't excite you anymore"

Emmet sang out loud while snapping a pencil into two.

"Why is Emmet singing paramour?" Bella asked Rosalie.

" Because I didn't want to make love right know." Rosalie explained while flipping through a fashion magazine.

Suddenly Emmet jumped up took a fast sip of lemon flavoured water. The water came spitting out of his mouth onto Rosalie's face.

"Spit take much??" Alice commented. Rosalie turned to hiss at her.

Jasper sighed and walked out of the house while muttering something about conservatives winning. Emmet slowly walked up to Bella's side and whispered in a horse voice " Come on Bella lets go up stairs and play doctor and nurse???" And that was when emmets arm went missing!

It was really short i know but i need more idea's or no story :( so i am begging u guys to review or pm me idea's plzzz!!! Thx : )


	12. info

_Hi. ok so me and sailor-ahiru have made a joint account! we are currently working on a story together! so plz R&R it when it gets posted! :)_

_thx- Randomness_


	13. IMPORTANT!

**AN: Hey… ok so I know you all hate me… but there's this REALLY great story that I've been working on and I'm telling you its worth the wait! I know you guys have probably lost interest in my stories and that's because they suck… I know but this one is being wrote with patience and rush so it will be awesome! By the way I really cant see 'Emmet? OH NO!' going anywhere good- no inspiration- so that story is like finished and not going to be updated anymore… unless I come up with a really funny idea- which is rare since I cant be funny in writing : / - sooo yupp,,, oh same with ' Future' but watch out for 'blood moon'-maybe- and The New story called 'NEVER STOP RUNNING'-well that's what **_**I want to call it but I have -to discuss that with my partner… - anyway its not like a fanfic based on anything else… it is purely my idea- and my partners when she reads it over and adds her stuff to it :P wouldn't be complete without her **_

_**: ) - so yeah… It will most likely take a while for it to be up and we're most likely to put it up on our accounts and the joint account. If there's anything you need to say or like anything… if you want a sneak peek or promo for the new story pm or well don't know go and read this and ill see how many people come right? So yupp that's it for now. Sorry again but I promise you will love this new story and characters too!**_


End file.
